Before I am ready to make any kind of resolution to make myself better in the next year - I have to look at the past to see what I did wrong and to calculate what I can do better in the upcoming year. The things that I have "let slide" which I would wish not to and those things that I have learned and want to continue.
In my career: I have tried too hard to fit into what I think is someone else's vision for what I am and what I should be. I have been living too long by what the "world' says I should do and what work looks like. If I am to make my business succeed - I must see it as that. I know it is not traditional in the way that I go to work and let someone else tell me when to be there and when to do work. It is self directed. I do not get a regular paycheck one in which I can count on coming at a certain time of week/month. I have to manage with what I have.
In my love life: I must really determine who I really am before I can think of offering that to someone else. I must make sure that I understand what is important to me. I must put in place my own ideals and look for someone who fits those. Not me fit into someone else's.
In life in general: There are so many people that say they want to be healthier or be more responsible when it comes to money. I want those things too. But I have to determine WHY. Why do I want to be healthier and what are the steps that I need to take to get that done? Why do I care about money? How can I be more cognizant of what I have and what I don't - but still be able to do the things that I want to accomplish. I have to put down some goals on how to get that done.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Is it really only my life?
I often run into these weird situations where I wonder if it is just my life or if it normal for everyone else's life too. I blame myself for things that really have nothing to do with me at all. Or more to be real - things that feel more like they are a plot out of a movie than anything that may happen in real life.
I have this awful propensity to blame myself for anything that happens that is weird. I think that somehow I have brought it on - or that I am the reason that something has been said or done. But after talking to a great friend (who is also a licensed counselor) - she reminded me that I am not the person to blame for weird things that happen. That many times it is all about the other person - their personal action/reaction/desires...
But then it made me question. How much am I blaming myself just for being me? For having a certain thought or reaction to something that really doesn't have anything to do with me? Indeed life is weird - how we learn what we are supposed to think, believe or feel.
I know that I feel the way I feel. I don't need to apologize for it. I think what I think. As long as I have real reasons for thinking that - and am willing to at least HEAR the other side - I do not need to apologize for it. If I believe good will happen it will. Mostly because I believe that the things that happen are indeed good. believe, think, feel. I am who I am.
I have this awful propensity to blame myself for anything that happens that is weird. I think that somehow I have brought it on - or that I am the reason that something has been said or done. But after talking to a great friend (who is also a licensed counselor) - she reminded me that I am not the person to blame for weird things that happen. That many times it is all about the other person - their personal action/reaction/desires...
But then it made me question. How much am I blaming myself just for being me? For having a certain thought or reaction to something that really doesn't have anything to do with me? Indeed life is weird - how we learn what we are supposed to think, believe or feel.
I know that I feel the way I feel. I don't need to apologize for it. I think what I think. As long as I have real reasons for thinking that - and am willing to at least HEAR the other side - I do not need to apologize for it. If I believe good will happen it will. Mostly because I believe that the things that happen are indeed good. believe, think, feel. I am who I am.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Car Troubles
I love my car. I honestly do! I have a deep seated belief that what we drive says something about our personality. I am most certain that I am a Jeep Girl! I was practically born with a jeep. There are stories (you'd have to ask my mom) about my dad taking my mom jeeping in the Colorado mountains the summer that I was to be born.
The story goes something like this, with the doors off and nothing but a lap belt my dad decided to traverse a canyon (over time the divide has gotten bigger) on literally two planks of wood that were carefully placed to become the "road" over which my dad would take my pregnant mom across the gorge - all the name of fun. (My mom later admits that she was not real fond of the ride and it was nothing even in the neighborhood of fun).
When I was 16, I learned how to drive a stick-shift (my dad said this was a necessity - but I really think it was because we had no choice) in my dad's green Jeep CJ7. He even taught me how to get out and "lock the tires in" so that I could put it in four-wheel drive. I felt like the coolest kid in school when I got to drive the jeep to school. (I was rather sad when my sister took it over when I went away to college and had no use for it living on campus).
Fast forward several years, at 40 years old, I am on my second white Jeep Grand Cherokee (yes, I had one and then traded it in for the VERY SAME THING - just newer). A jeep has NEVER failed me. As matter of fact, I have saved other people. In my big Jeep I was able to help others get out of ditch, haul all the kids somewhere, or take everyone to the mountains.
But over the past month, I have had to have my Jeep towed - not one, twice, three, or even four times...but a total of five! (I've exceeded my AAA allowance for free tows!). The first time it was just kind of a minor annoyance. It didn't start. I was supposed to be going to my cousin's house. I had it towed where AAA suggested. They replaced the battery and I was on my way. The second time, I had my daughter with me. It was before school. We had already dropped my son off as his junior high - had just filled up with gas. When the car would not start. Some nice guys in a truck tried to jump us. It didn't help. We waited and tried to start the car intermittently. I called AAA for my tow (they charged me for it anyway). It finally roared to a start. I got my daughter to school in time. Drove it directly to the same place that put in the battery. This time they told me that is had something to do with the fuel governor (not being a mechanic - ok fix it)...I went up to Vail (two hours away) and back. No problems.
The third time, I was at a hotel near my house (for work). I went to the party I was there for (I had driven the Jeep around all day). When I came out from the party, my Jeep would not start. I had the hotel take the courtesy van to drop me off at home and then walked back the next morning (that was a fun brisk 3 mile walk - YAY Coffee in hand). I had it towed (that's #3) to Don Massey Cadillac - because it was the closest place and since it had a name attached, I figured it would be more reputable. He kept the car all that day. Replaced the fuel pump. (again I'm no mechanic). Just in time to run to get my kids - and head to the other side of town. We made it there. It was at another hotel. We had the night stay there. All was good we had fun jumping on the bed and swimming the heated pool. The next morning, we decided to go to Sonic to get breakfast. Drove into the spot, ordered, ate and then went to start the car again. DEAD! Won't start again.
So here we arrive at tow number four. We get it towed to the Jeep dealer at that side of town. (which conveniently is close to my parents house). The kids and I hang out with my parents that day hoping that the Jeep Dealer (Pro Jeep) will fix it. But it is a Saturday and they have already warned us that they are super busy, it may be Monday before it is fixed. By 5 p.m. still no Jeep. So my dad lends us his Jeep to get to my side of town and so that I can take the kids to school on Monday. Monday arrives. I get the kids to school, pick up my dad (he had an appointment) and finally get the Jeep back from the dealer at around 6:30 p.m. Can we say convenient? NO!!!! Plus, they charge me over $700 to replace the...FUEL PUMP?!?!? Why do they need to replace the fuel pump? I got a new one just days ago! I feel totally "taken" by a mechanic!!! They must be on commission and I apparently have sucker written on my forehead. But, I need a car. I'm a single mom. I don't have money. I certainly can't buy a new car. They assure me all is good. They have written on the paperwork that if I have an issue again it might be the IPL or IPM or something. So I drive the Jeep around happy once again to be in the driver's seat of my Jeep. Tuesday is good. Run errands. Wednesday all good too....pick up the kids from school....
Thursday morning....get in the car at 7 a.m. to take my son to school (I also have my daughter).. The Jeep is once again dead in my garage! Won't start. I have to try to figure out how to get my kids to school. They can't walk. It's too far. I'm getting really frustrated, mad and feel totally taken advantage of by multiple mechanics. Thought the issue was taken care of - and most of all I really TRUSTED the Jeep Dealer. They have to have some sort of certification don't they? So I've arrived at tow number five. This one I have to pay for - as I've not exceeded the AAA free ones. I tow it to the other Jeep Dealer (Centennial) that I usually take it to. I'm good about doing my oil changes and getting it taken care of regularly. They fixed it on Thursday. They asked to keep it over night to see if it has the issues again. So I picked it up on Friday. They apparently had to re-wire something because the pins to the IPM were loose. UH? WHY DIDN'T THE PRO JEEP DEALER FIX THAT?!?!?!
So. I cross my fingers that it is fixed for real. Now there is no reason to trade it in ...SIGH. I'm afraid to take it anywhere. I might get stuck again. It's Christmas time. I've now paid for new battery, new governor, TWO fuel pumps, and an electric IPM dealio, new wipers, a back light, my brakes are squealing... HELLO CHRISTMAS for my kids... Do you think giving them a note that says you get a ride to school. Is a good Christmas present?
The story goes something like this, with the doors off and nothing but a lap belt my dad decided to traverse a canyon (over time the divide has gotten bigger) on literally two planks of wood that were carefully placed to become the "road" over which my dad would take my pregnant mom across the gorge - all the name of fun. (My mom later admits that she was not real fond of the ride and it was nothing even in the neighborhood of fun).
When I was 16, I learned how to drive a stick-shift (my dad said this was a necessity - but I really think it was because we had no choice) in my dad's green Jeep CJ7. He even taught me how to get out and "lock the tires in" so that I could put it in four-wheel drive. I felt like the coolest kid in school when I got to drive the jeep to school. (I was rather sad when my sister took it over when I went away to college and had no use for it living on campus).
Fast forward several years, at 40 years old, I am on my second white Jeep Grand Cherokee (yes, I had one and then traded it in for the VERY SAME THING - just newer). A jeep has NEVER failed me. As matter of fact, I have saved other people. In my big Jeep I was able to help others get out of ditch, haul all the kids somewhere, or take everyone to the mountains.
But over the past month, I have had to have my Jeep towed - not one, twice, three, or even four times...but a total of five! (I've exceeded my AAA allowance for free tows!). The first time it was just kind of a minor annoyance. It didn't start. I was supposed to be going to my cousin's house. I had it towed where AAA suggested. They replaced the battery and I was on my way. The second time, I had my daughter with me. It was before school. We had already dropped my son off as his junior high - had just filled up with gas. When the car would not start. Some nice guys in a truck tried to jump us. It didn't help. We waited and tried to start the car intermittently. I called AAA for my tow (they charged me for it anyway). It finally roared to a start. I got my daughter to school in time. Drove it directly to the same place that put in the battery. This time they told me that is had something to do with the fuel governor (not being a mechanic - ok fix it)...I went up to Vail (two hours away) and back. No problems.
The third time, I was at a hotel near my house (for work). I went to the party I was there for (I had driven the Jeep around all day). When I came out from the party, my Jeep would not start. I had the hotel take the courtesy van to drop me off at home and then walked back the next morning (that was a fun brisk 3 mile walk - YAY Coffee in hand). I had it towed (that's #3) to Don Massey Cadillac - because it was the closest place and since it had a name attached, I figured it would be more reputable. He kept the car all that day. Replaced the fuel pump. (again I'm no mechanic). Just in time to run to get my kids - and head to the other side of town. We made it there. It was at another hotel. We had the night stay there. All was good we had fun jumping on the bed and swimming the heated pool. The next morning, we decided to go to Sonic to get breakfast. Drove into the spot, ordered, ate and then went to start the car again. DEAD! Won't start again.
So here we arrive at tow number four. We get it towed to the Jeep dealer at that side of town. (which conveniently is close to my parents house). The kids and I hang out with my parents that day hoping that the Jeep Dealer (Pro Jeep) will fix it. But it is a Saturday and they have already warned us that they are super busy, it may be Monday before it is fixed. By 5 p.m. still no Jeep. So my dad lends us his Jeep to get to my side of town and so that I can take the kids to school on Monday. Monday arrives. I get the kids to school, pick up my dad (he had an appointment) and finally get the Jeep back from the dealer at around 6:30 p.m. Can we say convenient? NO!!!! Plus, they charge me over $700 to replace the...FUEL PUMP?!?!? Why do they need to replace the fuel pump? I got a new one just days ago! I feel totally "taken" by a mechanic!!! They must be on commission and I apparently have sucker written on my forehead. But, I need a car. I'm a single mom. I don't have money. I certainly can't buy a new car. They assure me all is good. They have written on the paperwork that if I have an issue again it might be the IPL or IPM or something. So I drive the Jeep around happy once again to be in the driver's seat of my Jeep. Tuesday is good. Run errands. Wednesday all good too....pick up the kids from school....
Thursday morning....get in the car at 7 a.m. to take my son to school (I also have my daughter).. The Jeep is once again dead in my garage! Won't start. I have to try to figure out how to get my kids to school. They can't walk. It's too far. I'm getting really frustrated, mad and feel totally taken advantage of by multiple mechanics. Thought the issue was taken care of - and most of all I really TRUSTED the Jeep Dealer. They have to have some sort of certification don't they? So I've arrived at tow number five. This one I have to pay for - as I've not exceeded the AAA free ones. I tow it to the other Jeep Dealer (Centennial) that I usually take it to. I'm good about doing my oil changes and getting it taken care of regularly. They fixed it on Thursday. They asked to keep it over night to see if it has the issues again. So I picked it up on Friday. They apparently had to re-wire something because the pins to the IPM were loose. UH? WHY DIDN'T THE PRO JEEP DEALER FIX THAT?!?!?!
So. I cross my fingers that it is fixed for real. Now there is no reason to trade it in ...SIGH. I'm afraid to take it anywhere. I might get stuck again. It's Christmas time. I've now paid for new battery, new governor, TWO fuel pumps, and an electric IPM dealio, new wipers, a back light, my brakes are squealing... HELLO CHRISTMAS for my kids... Do you think giving them a note that says you get a ride to school. Is a good Christmas present?
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