Find me where I am

I have been blogging at a new site. I would love you to follow me there. The name if it is GRETCHIVERSE.COM.

A friend of mine used to ask me all the time, "How are things in the Gretchiverse" so that is where the name came from. See you there?

Creating My Own Stress

Are there times where you're really not sure why you are where you are? I don't think I'm the only person to really try to make heads or tails of why sometimes (especially at work) I can be totally "on it" and other times I seem a bit air-headed. Like something totally knocked me off the merry go round and I'm not even sure which direction I'm staring in. 

And I think what makes me most crazy is that I kind of know what it is that knocks me around. Why I get sort of "A.D.D." I know that it is sort of a buzz word for people who can't seem to keep their crap together. 

I pride myself on somehow managing a calendar that would make most people's heads spin. I'm not kidding when I say I have three jobs, a blog (which I contribute to regularly and go to events for) and two kids. I go to events and rarely stay at home for a whole night. I sort of think I'm missing something if I just sit at home (and I probably am). 

But then there are times that I totally day dream. Times that I go shopping on the internet when I should be working. Times that I will call a friend and spend HOURS on the phone with them even if I know I don't have the time to "waste." I think about the trips I will take. I plot out what my life will look like years from now. And usually that happens in the most busy times so then I sort of stress myself out with so many things to do an bang myself up over what little I got done - especially right when I know I have a lot to do. 

Model Giving To Your Kids

I have made my kids do an annual holiday community project. One year we wrapped over 400 books for an impoverished kids party (we did this project in conjunction with Volunteers of America), one year we collected school supplies, one year we picked a family that we knew and we acted as Secret Santa delivering the gifts Christmas Eve Night to their door (which was a funny story in and of itself - seeing my kids carefully pick presents for each of the Secret Santa kids and play like they were almost burglars in black leaving the packages and running to the "get away car" which I was driving).

I share 50/50 time with my ex with my kids. This year's project that I really wanted to be involved in is on a weekend that my kids are with my ex. (I will still do the project) So, I need to find something for them to do. In the years past I have not had any money to speak of (and one year I even qualified for food stamps). This year, I have a bit more money. I want to not only do a project that involves our time (I think this are more meaningful for my kids - and really more memorable). But I do also want to donate to Denver Rescue Mission. The money helps to provide a hot, nutritious meal, safe bed and a special Christmas gift - a pair of warm socks to remind them that somebody cares. I love that when the Rescue Mission sent the solicitation - they sent these little "cards" that my kids can sign. They can put their own name on it. My kids don't need to know how much I am donating. They just need to understand that they have not ever had to think about a meal, a roof, and clothes.

I am still looking for that "show them" project this year. (I'm taking suggestions). But I think showing them that there are all kinds of ways to give from sending money to spending time. All are needed and appreciated. If you know of someone that could use a little pick me up this season (even if it is a hand-written note) will you please email me and give me their info.

Post Divorce Non Negotiables

In a real adult relationship I look for a few things. Maybe I am a bit gun-shy as I am already divorced. I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made last time. I also try to be a bit open minded as well though. Meaning, I know that I am no peach and I would want someone to love me for who I am - bumps and bruises as well. But like any great relationship (even if it was my first one). I have learned that there are some needs, some red-flags and some wishes. As long as you know the difference between the three categories you should be fine. Should be...that is until you heart gets ahead of your head and the person seems so nice.

For me I have things that are non negotiables. I am a mom (to two kids), so whoever I date has to be OK with me being a parent (which means that sometimes my kids have to come before my date); I live in Colorado. I am not in a place in my life or relationships (with my kids, my ex or my family) to move elsewhere. This is something that will not likely change in the next 5 to 6 years of my life. So I have to live here - and my date will need to live here too. I don't have the time, energy or attention to give to a "relationship needy" person. As I said, I am a parent and I am a career woman and I like some me time. I will willingly put time, energy and attention into the relationship - but there must be balance among all the items that are big in my life.

I am a working mom. I somehow balance several jobs and two kids. With that being said, I find it important that the person I date also works and is working toward a better life for themselves. It is somewhat easy for people my age (40s) to have already found a career rut or even a life rut where they are not really happy but more "resigned" to being where they are. Life is not over for a 40 year old. There is more to learn and more to strive for. If my date is not interested in bettering themselves and the people around them - I'm not interested. If they are living with mom, dad, or a friend. I sort of believe that you should be "adult" enough to be living on your own at this age.

But there is also the understanding that people are not always what they seem. At least they are not always as they outwardly appear. Some of these dynamics are not easy to spot early on. It is only when you have an issue or a fight will some of them become apparent. The sooner you can identify these the better. (I'm not suggesting that you start a fight just to see how the person acts - just saying look for those red-flags).

What are your relationship non-negotiables? In order to move forward in post divorce dating - you really need to identify what yours are.

What is Resort Casual, Resort Formal or Mountain Casual?

I've had a few invitations recently where the agenda said, "resort wear" or "mountain casual". What does that really mean? I work at home (I don't get out much) so when I received an invite to an event that said one night would be "resort casual" and the other will be "resort formal" I was in a bit of a quandry as to what that means.

I have two ways to get fashion information. I either call my sister (who has always been a fashionista - even since the days of working at County Seat so she could get a discount) and I also turn to Pinterest. I figured out that Resort Casual is a bit more dressed up than slumming on the beach (good thing - this was a work event after all). So I chose a sun dress with giant flowers. All of the pinterest pictures showed flowers.

When it came to Resort Formal. I went shopping with my sister. We ended up at Black & White Market - where she chose a black jersey fabric strappy pant-suit with sparkles along the top (and a snazzy tie at the waist). She also said that I absolutely HAD to have the necklace and earrings. She promptly asked if she could borrow them the week following. It seemed perfect. I fit in.

Not just two weeks later, I received an invite that says "mountain casual". Seeing as though I've lived in Colorado all my life - I think I pretty much know what mountain casual is. Mountain Casual usually includes jeans - so I'm much more comfortable there....but then what? What to wear with jeans? I chose a medium weight sweater (we were going to Vail/Beaver Creek in October - the weather can make giant swings). A long sleeve shirt and a scarf. Done.

What would you wear for Resort Casual, Resort Formal or Mountain Casual? Next up? Cancun. What is beach wear? I got this one! Flip flops, bathing suits and cover-ups! Done!

Back to Back

I have been on a couple back to back trips this year. I love to travel. So far, the back to back trips have really been very different. The first, I was in DC with my mom and my kids. It was a family vacation then turned around to be in Denver for less than 24 hours and head out to San Diego for a meeting with a client.

The latest trip included three days in Phoenix and then four in Miami. Both work related - but both so very different. One was all about meetings (although fun stuff at night) and the other was basically what felt like playing.

I'm crossing my fingers that the next one will be coming from playing in Cancun with my friend and then heading out the following weekend to San Francisco for the In the Vines. Here's to wishing one more time.

Moment of Gratitude AHA

I have to admit that I have been reading Oprah Magazine since the first one came out. I like to hear about aha moments. You know, that moment when you realize something or see something in a totally different way?

I am typically not at a loss in any way shape or form for words. I am hard pressed to be the quiet person in any setting (just ask most anyone who has been around me for like...5 minutes).

But I had that moment, the one that I realized I live an amazingly great life. I had gone to meet my friend/colleague/boss at the mall to pick up something she had for me. Then I had about an hour to kill before I bounced out to see my sister for lunch. It was while I was driving down to see there that it absolutely hit me like a wall of bricks. That overwhelming feeling of "you've done good."

I felt like I could totally fit in with my friend/boss and her mom as they shopped in Nordstroms (not my typical haunt as I like to get a deal - I'm much more of a Target or Marshall's regular). But I could keep up with their conversation toe to toe - this brand, that brand...this event, taht event. I could talk their talk.

Then I was heading to see my sister. I was driving my car and realized that it is perfectly great transportation that someone else might covet. I was happily driving with it paid of completely. The tank of gas was full. I was singing along with the stereo. I was going to see my sister, my friend. We can bounce to see each other for lunch whenever we want - we live close.

I really cant explain why that day and why I felt so great. I just did. I hope you get a feeling like that one day.