In a real adult relationship I look for a few things. Maybe I am a bit gun-shy as I am already divorced. I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made last time. I also try to be a bit open minded as well though. Meaning, I know that I am no peach and I would want someone to love me for who I am - bumps and bruises as well. But like any great relationship (even if it was my first one). I have learned that there are some needs, some red-flags and some wishes. As long as you know the difference between the three categories you should be fine. Should be...that is until you heart gets ahead of your head and the person seems so nice.
For me I have things that are non negotiables. I am a mom (to two kids), so whoever I date has to be OK with me being a parent (which means that sometimes my kids have to come before my date); I live in Colorado. I am not in a place in my life or relationships (with my kids, my ex or my family) to move elsewhere. This is something that will not likely change in the next 5 to 6 years of my life. So I have to live here - and my date will need to live here too. I don't have the time, energy or attention to give to a "relationship needy" person. As I said, I am a parent and I am a career woman and I like some me time. I will willingly put time, energy and attention into the relationship - but there must be balance among all the items that are big in my life.
I am a working mom. I somehow balance several jobs and two kids. With that being said, I find it important that the person I date also works and is working toward a better life for themselves. It is somewhat easy for people my age (40s) to have already found a career rut or even a life rut where they are not really happy but more "resigned" to being where they are. Life is not over for a 40 year old. There is more to learn and more to strive for. If my date is not interested in bettering themselves and the people around them - I'm not interested. If they are living with mom, dad, or a friend. I sort of believe that you should be "adult" enough to be living on your own at this age.
But there is also the understanding that people are not always what they seem. At least they are not always as they outwardly appear. Some of these dynamics are not easy to spot early on. It is only when you have an issue or a fight will some of them become apparent. The sooner you can identify these the better. (I'm not suggesting that you start a fight just to see how the person acts - just saying look for those red-flags).
What are your relationship non-negotiables? In order to move forward in post divorce dating - you really need to identify what yours are.
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