Sometimes, I like to think that I am in control of my life. Like I somehow was the grand designer of where I am. But then I see that there is a color wheel that I've totally missed on the painting of where I am and where I want to be. The picture is not complete without it.
There is one thing I wish for more than anything - but there is absolutely nothing that I can do to create it for myself. It is a dance. It is a balance.
Do I tell him that I like him and that he occupies by thoughts? Does he know that? Does he reciprocate it? Does he care? Does he feel the same? Does he just hang out with me to be nice - because he doesn't have anything else to do? Does he have the same fears? Does he care about his fears? What does he care about? What do I know? What don't I? Why are there so many questions - when I think I should be learning the answers?
What is the one thing? Is there one thing? What matters? What doesn't?
Suffice it to say, I am lost. I don't know how to do this. I don't know where to start. This is something you can not learn because there are so many other factors at play. It is not a simple equation that is easy to read and understand.
I am somehow confused...looks right, feels right...no feedback. None. Done?
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