Model Giving To Your Kids

I have made my kids do an annual holiday community project. One year we wrapped over 400 books for an impoverished kids party (we did this project in conjunction with Volunteers of America), one year we collected school supplies, one year we picked a family that we knew and we acted as Secret Santa delivering the gifts Christmas Eve Night to their door (which was a funny story in and of itself - seeing my kids carefully pick presents for each of the Secret Santa kids and play like they were almost burglars in black leaving the packages and running to the "get away car" which I was driving).

I share 50/50 time with my ex with my kids. This year's project that I really wanted to be involved in is on a weekend that my kids are with my ex. (I will still do the project) So, I need to find something for them to do. In the years past I have not had any money to speak of (and one year I even qualified for food stamps). This year, I have a bit more money. I want to not only do a project that involves our time (I think this are more meaningful for my kids - and really more memorable). But I do also want to donate to Denver Rescue Mission. The money helps to provide a hot, nutritious meal, safe bed and a special Christmas gift - a pair of warm socks to remind them that somebody cares. I love that when the Rescue Mission sent the solicitation - they sent these little "cards" that my kids can sign. They can put their own name on it. My kids don't need to know how much I am donating. They just need to understand that they have not ever had to think about a meal, a roof, and clothes.

I am still looking for that "show them" project this year. (I'm taking suggestions). But I think showing them that there are all kinds of ways to give from sending money to spending time. All are needed and appreciated. If you know of someone that could use a little pick me up this season (even if it is a hand-written note) will you please email me and give me their info.

Post Divorce Non Negotiables

In a real adult relationship I look for a few things. Maybe I am a bit gun-shy as I am already divorced. I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made last time. I also try to be a bit open minded as well though. Meaning, I know that I am no peach and I would want someone to love me for who I am - bumps and bruises as well. But like any great relationship (even if it was my first one). I have learned that there are some needs, some red-flags and some wishes. As long as you know the difference between the three categories you should be fine. Should be...that is until you heart gets ahead of your head and the person seems so nice.

For me I have things that are non negotiables. I am a mom (to two kids), so whoever I date has to be OK with me being a parent (which means that sometimes my kids have to come before my date); I live in Colorado. I am not in a place in my life or relationships (with my kids, my ex or my family) to move elsewhere. This is something that will not likely change in the next 5 to 6 years of my life. So I have to live here - and my date will need to live here too. I don't have the time, energy or attention to give to a "relationship needy" person. As I said, I am a parent and I am a career woman and I like some me time. I will willingly put time, energy and attention into the relationship - but there must be balance among all the items that are big in my life.

I am a working mom. I somehow balance several jobs and two kids. With that being said, I find it important that the person I date also works and is working toward a better life for themselves. It is somewhat easy for people my age (40s) to have already found a career rut or even a life rut where they are not really happy but more "resigned" to being where they are. Life is not over for a 40 year old. There is more to learn and more to strive for. If my date is not interested in bettering themselves and the people around them - I'm not interested. If they are living with mom, dad, or a friend. I sort of believe that you should be "adult" enough to be living on your own at this age.

But there is also the understanding that people are not always what they seem. At least they are not always as they outwardly appear. Some of these dynamics are not easy to spot early on. It is only when you have an issue or a fight will some of them become apparent. The sooner you can identify these the better. (I'm not suggesting that you start a fight just to see how the person acts - just saying look for those red-flags).

What are your relationship non-negotiables? In order to move forward in post divorce dating - you really need to identify what yours are.