Find me where I am

I have been blogging at a new site. I would love you to follow me there. The name if it is GRETCHIVERSE.COM.

A friend of mine used to ask me all the time, "How are things in the Gretchiverse" so that is where the name came from. See you there?

Creating My Own Stress

Are there times where you're really not sure why you are where you are? I don't think I'm the only person to really try to make heads or tails of why sometimes (especially at work) I can be totally "on it" and other times I seem a bit air-headed. Like something totally knocked me off the merry go round and I'm not even sure which direction I'm staring in. 

And I think what makes me most crazy is that I kind of know what it is that knocks me around. Why I get sort of "A.D.D." I know that it is sort of a buzz word for people who can't seem to keep their crap together. 

I pride myself on somehow managing a calendar that would make most people's heads spin. I'm not kidding when I say I have three jobs, a blog (which I contribute to regularly and go to events for) and two kids. I go to events and rarely stay at home for a whole night. I sort of think I'm missing something if I just sit at home (and I probably am). 

But then there are times that I totally day dream. Times that I go shopping on the internet when I should be working. Times that I will call a friend and spend HOURS on the phone with them even if I know I don't have the time to "waste." I think about the trips I will take. I plot out what my life will look like years from now. And usually that happens in the most busy times so then I sort of stress myself out with so many things to do an bang myself up over what little I got done - especially right when I know I have a lot to do. 

Model Giving To Your Kids

I have made my kids do an annual holiday community project. One year we wrapped over 400 books for an impoverished kids party (we did this project in conjunction with Volunteers of America), one year we collected school supplies, one year we picked a family that we knew and we acted as Secret Santa delivering the gifts Christmas Eve Night to their door (which was a funny story in and of itself - seeing my kids carefully pick presents for each of the Secret Santa kids and play like they were almost burglars in black leaving the packages and running to the "get away car" which I was driving).

I share 50/50 time with my ex with my kids. This year's project that I really wanted to be involved in is on a weekend that my kids are with my ex. (I will still do the project) So, I need to find something for them to do. In the years past I have not had any money to speak of (and one year I even qualified for food stamps). This year, I have a bit more money. I want to not only do a project that involves our time (I think this are more meaningful for my kids - and really more memorable). But I do also want to donate to Denver Rescue Mission. The money helps to provide a hot, nutritious meal, safe bed and a special Christmas gift - a pair of warm socks to remind them that somebody cares. I love that when the Rescue Mission sent the solicitation - they sent these little "cards" that my kids can sign. They can put their own name on it. My kids don't need to know how much I am donating. They just need to understand that they have not ever had to think about a meal, a roof, and clothes.

I am still looking for that "show them" project this year. (I'm taking suggestions). But I think showing them that there are all kinds of ways to give from sending money to spending time. All are needed and appreciated. If you know of someone that could use a little pick me up this season (even if it is a hand-written note) will you please email me and give me their info.

Post Divorce Non Negotiables

In a real adult relationship I look for a few things. Maybe I am a bit gun-shy as I am already divorced. I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made last time. I also try to be a bit open minded as well though. Meaning, I know that I am no peach and I would want someone to love me for who I am - bumps and bruises as well. But like any great relationship (even if it was my first one). I have learned that there are some needs, some red-flags and some wishes. As long as you know the difference between the three categories you should be fine. Should be...that is until you heart gets ahead of your head and the person seems so nice.

For me I have things that are non negotiables. I am a mom (to two kids), so whoever I date has to be OK with me being a parent (which means that sometimes my kids have to come before my date); I live in Colorado. I am not in a place in my life or relationships (with my kids, my ex or my family) to move elsewhere. This is something that will not likely change in the next 5 to 6 years of my life. So I have to live here - and my date will need to live here too. I don't have the time, energy or attention to give to a "relationship needy" person. As I said, I am a parent and I am a career woman and I like some me time. I will willingly put time, energy and attention into the relationship - but there must be balance among all the items that are big in my life.

I am a working mom. I somehow balance several jobs and two kids. With that being said, I find it important that the person I date also works and is working toward a better life for themselves. It is somewhat easy for people my age (40s) to have already found a career rut or even a life rut where they are not really happy but more "resigned" to being where they are. Life is not over for a 40 year old. There is more to learn and more to strive for. If my date is not interested in bettering themselves and the people around them - I'm not interested. If they are living with mom, dad, or a friend. I sort of believe that you should be "adult" enough to be living on your own at this age.

But there is also the understanding that people are not always what they seem. At least they are not always as they outwardly appear. Some of these dynamics are not easy to spot early on. It is only when you have an issue or a fight will some of them become apparent. The sooner you can identify these the better. (I'm not suggesting that you start a fight just to see how the person acts - just saying look for those red-flags).

What are your relationship non-negotiables? In order to move forward in post divorce dating - you really need to identify what yours are.

What is Resort Casual, Resort Formal or Mountain Casual?

I've had a few invitations recently where the agenda said, "resort wear" or "mountain casual". What does that really mean? I work at home (I don't get out much) so when I received an invite to an event that said one night would be "resort casual" and the other will be "resort formal" I was in a bit of a quandry as to what that means.

I have two ways to get fashion information. I either call my sister (who has always been a fashionista - even since the days of working at County Seat so she could get a discount) and I also turn to Pinterest. I figured out that Resort Casual is a bit more dressed up than slumming on the beach (good thing - this was a work event after all). So I chose a sun dress with giant flowers. All of the pinterest pictures showed flowers.

When it came to Resort Formal. I went shopping with my sister. We ended up at Black & White Market - where she chose a black jersey fabric strappy pant-suit with sparkles along the top (and a snazzy tie at the waist). She also said that I absolutely HAD to have the necklace and earrings. She promptly asked if she could borrow them the week following. It seemed perfect. I fit in.

Not just two weeks later, I received an invite that says "mountain casual". Seeing as though I've lived in Colorado all my life - I think I pretty much know what mountain casual is. Mountain Casual usually includes jeans - so I'm much more comfortable there....but then what? What to wear with jeans? I chose a medium weight sweater (we were going to Vail/Beaver Creek in October - the weather can make giant swings). A long sleeve shirt and a scarf. Done.

What would you wear for Resort Casual, Resort Formal or Mountain Casual? Next up? Cancun. What is beach wear? I got this one! Flip flops, bathing suits and cover-ups! Done!

Back to Back

I have been on a couple back to back trips this year. I love to travel. So far, the back to back trips have really been very different. The first, I was in DC with my mom and my kids. It was a family vacation then turned around to be in Denver for less than 24 hours and head out to San Diego for a meeting with a client.

The latest trip included three days in Phoenix and then four in Miami. Both work related - but both so very different. One was all about meetings (although fun stuff at night) and the other was basically what felt like playing.

I'm crossing my fingers that the next one will be coming from playing in Cancun with my friend and then heading out the following weekend to San Francisco for the In the Vines. Here's to wishing one more time.

Moment of Gratitude AHA

I have to admit that I have been reading Oprah Magazine since the first one came out. I like to hear about aha moments. You know, that moment when you realize something or see something in a totally different way?

I am typically not at a loss in any way shape or form for words. I am hard pressed to be the quiet person in any setting (just ask most anyone who has been around me for like...5 minutes).

But I had that moment, the one that I realized I live an amazingly great life. I had gone to meet my friend/colleague/boss at the mall to pick up something she had for me. Then I had about an hour to kill before I bounced out to see my sister for lunch. It was while I was driving down to see there that it absolutely hit me like a wall of bricks. That overwhelming feeling of "you've done good."

I felt like I could totally fit in with my friend/boss and her mom as they shopped in Nordstroms (not my typical haunt as I like to get a deal - I'm much more of a Target or Marshall's regular). But I could keep up with their conversation toe to toe - this brand, that brand...this event, taht event. I could talk their talk.

Then I was heading to see my sister. I was driving my car and realized that it is perfectly great transportation that someone else might covet. I was happily driving with it paid of completely. The tank of gas was full. I was singing along with the stereo. I was going to see my sister, my friend. We can bounce to see each other for lunch whenever we want - we live close.

I really cant explain why that day and why I felt so great. I just did. I hope you get a feeling like that one day.

Just Happens To Be

Some times I get a certain idea or thought stuck in my head. I mull it over for days. It continues to manifest it's way into my thoughts until I figure out what I need to do to wrestle with the idea, thought or person. 

I was recently watching a TV show (yes, TV can be inspiring). I was struck by the idea of something that was said on that show about great character development in TV characters. The statement was the person "just happens to also be..." as if every person in the universe is not just one dimentional - but also they just happen to be a lot of other things. About looking at a person for who they are. 

So I thought of this in context of me. I have so often identified myself with the just so happens to be with the mutlple jobs that I have - from blogger, to hotel sales, to ski lift ticket sales to fitness sales. (Ok, - so maybe I overdo it with sales). 

But I also happen to be a mom. I happen to be someone who is a friend, I happen to have other passions and interests. 

I have done and I have seen - but I desire more. To see more. To do more. To be this. To be that. I just happen to be a whole lot more than I think I put out there. I am not sure how many other people think of the just so happens to be in everyone else's life. 

What else do they have on their plate? What else occupies their thoughts? What do they celebrate? What do they morn? Who were they? Who will they be? Ultimately, to understand a person I have to get to the "what else they happen to be." an dI might be able to better understand....or have them understand me. 

Life's Mysteries Unraveled

So I have been texting this new friend of mine. I feel like I am getting to know him better (Yes, you can do that on text). I started this new "game" called question of the day (QOD). I started out asking some of what I might call simple questions - what is your favorite color? What would you want with you on a deserted island? 

But then I want to get to know him better - so I threw out a more difficult question today. The question prompt was - what is one of life's mysteries that you believe you have figured out. Then i thought about what I would need to say if I had to answer that question. 

For me, the mystery I have figured out - is simply that I don't know everything. I am enamored with learning and asking questions. I can learn more if I listen with an open heart and not try so hard to impress - but rather let those other people impress me - simply by being who they are, having experienced what they have experienced, knowing who and what they know.

What have you figured out? 

Book of Mormon Adventure

I have wanted to see the Book of Mormon for several years now. It seems to always come to Denver - as some of the co-co creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are from Colorado (and also went to my alma matter, University of Colorado). I had been invited earlier to see the show on the media night (opening night). I couldn't go because I had my kids that night - and rather than leave them at home alone so that I could go galavanting around seeing a show I wanted to see - I stayed home with them. (I had also asked my friend if she wanted to go and she could not). 

 

I had heard that they offer Lottery for tickets. How that basically works is that you put your name in a raffle bin between 5 and 5:30 (show time is at 7:30). At 5:30, a worker from the Denver Center pulls out approximately 10 names and the are allowed to purchase up to two tickets - GOOD SEATS - for just $25 a ticket.

 

I had purposefully waited until Halloween night because I thought that there would be fewer people there that night - and it would give me a better chance of winning. I arrived at 5 on the dot and quickly met another person in line. He informed me that he had done this before (and had seen Book of Mormon three other times). He said we have a better chance if each of us say that we are getting two tickets - then if his name is picked he would be my second person and the reciprocal for me. Sounded like a deal.

The worker pulled out name after name and neither mine nor this other guy's name was chosen. Hmmm... Ok now what? I was downtown. I had paid for parking. I had no plans for the night. I couldn't go home (cause I didn't buy candy for Halloween beggars - since my kids were at their dad's house). So... I waited. All the others from the lottery seemed to have dissipated. I people watched. I sat on a bench and started talking to whomever would sit next to me. 

One guy came by selling a ticket for $140. YIKES! I only brought $40 cash. That would be all I would spend. (I also knew that the seats at the top of the theater were only $35 face value). I waited. I got cold. I was hungry (good thing I brought that granola bar in the bottom of my purse). Just 10 minutes before show time. A nice couple came up and were selling tickets. They were just $35! I bought it and I was in!!! YAY! 

Turned out that they just moved here from Pennsylvania and have several family members here. The family member that was supposed to come was sick in the hospital. The 2nd ticket they had  - they sold to some guy (I had briefly teased them outside the theater to sell it to a decent looking single guy - they did a good job of listening). We all had decent conversation prior to the show (however brief that was) and at intermission. I felt totally comfortable going by myself. 

The show was funny. Irreverent. My mom and sister would have hated it. My friend Angie would have thought it awesome. The songs were hilarious. The themes overall were good but with a sense of jabs that made it very funny. I see why everyone I know has seen it. I understand why it has record sales. 

Would you try the lottery? What would you do for tickets? If you made a plan (like seeing a play) what would you do to try to get it to happen? Would you travel downtown and pay to park even if you didn't have tickets? What show do you really want to see?

 


 

Accomplished

I went to lunch with my friend Andri to day. She is such a light of a person. I love hanging out with her. Her easy way of being so self assured. Her way of showing everyone else around her that it is easy to laugh. That it is good to have fun. 

While at lunch, she was telling me that she is so proud of her sister. She was lit up with the pride of an older sister.  She was telling me that her sister is so accomplished. That she [her sister] has come a long way from her shy days in High School. So I asked her what success means. What does accomplishment mean?

And while in my self absorbed way (thinking about where I am in life right now) - I was wondering if her sister knew how proud of her she is...I was thinking about how I have not spent the time to tell those around me how proud of them that I am - about what their successes and troubles teach me. Who I look up to and why. So here are a few long overdue praises for family and friends that come to mind. 

My sister - despite me being the big sister, you have done far more than teach me a thing or two. I am so proud of the mom and wife you are. You continue to show me daily - how to make sure that my priorities are straight. That job is not the be-all end-all no matter how fun it may seem. You live a life that is so white-picket fence. The kind of life that people spend a lifetime believing is only possible in a movie is your life. You are far more accomplished than I give you credit for. You are accomplished as the perfect sister.

My friend Angie - Angie knows who she is and what is important in life. You believe so strongly in your convictions and beliefs. You have proven to me that life may not be easy always - but there is always something to look forward to. You prove over and over again that pit or no - you can claw your way to getting everything want and everything you believe possible for yourself. You are far more accomplished than you give yourself credit for. As I told you the other day - if I only had 1/2 the things going for me that you do for you I would be in such a happy place.

My High School Girls - (Kim, JoAnn, Andri, Valerie, Tracey) - You are all amazing women in  your own right. Friendships can cross boundaries of great schims of time and different lives (we cold not all have been in more diverse places). I love each of you for what you show me. That I know no matter what.

To Loretta - You continually teach me that diversity is beautiful. Different thoughts are to be celebrated (even though you and I agree on much). That I have a responsibility to make the world a better place. You are a beautiful person inside and out.  You are far more accomplished than the degrees, education, and experiences that you have had.

To My Parents - for showing me there is hope for finding the right fit in a mate - someone who really is  your best friend and can have fun with you in the Best Western's in Rifle or in the Palace Suite in Las Vegas (with a $750 food tab!). For showing me how to live an honorable life of hard work and working for the things that mean the most (family!). You are accomplished in teaching me to be a responsible & contributing adult.

Thank you Andri - for giving me the time to remember to tell those people closest to me that they are special! That like you are of your sister, I am around amazingly accomplished people -  you are one of them! 

More questions

Sometimes, I like to think that I am in control of my life. Like I somehow was the grand designer of where I am. But then I see that there is a color wheel that I've totally missed on the painting of where I am and where I want to be. The picture is not complete without it.

There is one thing I wish for more than anything - but there is absolutely nothing that I can do to create it for myself. It is a dance. It is a balance. 

Do I tell him that I like him and that he occupies by thoughts? Does he know that? Does he reciprocate it? Does he care? Does he feel the same? Does he just hang out with me to be nice - because he doesn't have anything else to do? Does he have the same fears? Does he care about his fears? What does he care about? What do I know? What don't I? Why are there so many questions - when I think I should be learning the answers?

What is the one thing? Is there one thing? What matters? What doesn't? 

Suffice it to say, I am lost. I don't know how to do this. I don't know where to start. This is something you can not learn because there are so many other factors at play. It is not a simple equation that is easy to read and understand. 

I am somehow confused...looks right, feels right...no feedback. None. Done?
 

Over active brain?

Sometimes I have to remind myself not to over think things. People do things for a reason - and even once they are done - you can not go back and change them. There are no do-overs in life. Life is too fleeting to take time wondering what it is that YOU have done. Perhaps it is those around us who are harboring too many thoughts - so we re-think.

Maybe there is something to be said to being a simpleton. How do I get to that? To not think too much?

Morning Hold Out

I can recall being invited to elementary school sleep overs at a friend's house. The excitement and fun was great!  All until the morning. You see, I am a morning person. I get up fairly early every day. Ok, I'm not in the military so I'm not crazy - but you know like, 6:30 or 7:00 every morning without an alarm.

In the morning, I would lay there among the other girls - but not knowing if I should just get up and quietly do somethign (I think that is how I got sooo into magazines - because I could quietly look at them). I would lay there an stare at the ceiling wondering if I should get up and go sit in the kitchen with my friend's parents or just lay there until everyone else was up. Eventually I would hold out until the other girls woke up.

So I grew up, I've stayed my fair share on friend's couches.  That makes it easier to know when they are up - because I could just pretend I was asleep until they made noise and I would beautifully (almost as though it were some sort of coreography) stretch and appear to wake up right then. My own personal version of Sleeping Beauty (not necessarily with the handsome prince kiss to wake me up).

But there have been the few times that I have stayed in the "guest room". I would listen and listen for noise to see if the other person was awake. Going to the bathroom always seems to help (because then you can look around and see if they are awake or not).

There are still lessons that I have not learned as an adult - like what to do when you wake up early!  Does anyone else agonize about being the early guest or the one that sleeps way in? How do the rules change when you are at a guy's house? Do you sneak out? Do you do the sleeping beauty thing?

PenPal to TextPal to Caller?

I may have mentioned one or twenty times before that I am on some online dating sites. Working at home (for myself) does not really lend itself to being a great way to meet new people). 

so my question today is - why oh why do guys keep going and going with being someone's pen-pal but never call? I have been communicating with a couple guys that I'm really quite interested in meeting in person. They both have my number - which really has done nothing more than moving the back and forth pen-pal tendencies from the dating site to now being text friends. 

Seriously, I must be too old for this kind of dating or I don't really get it. When someone goes as far as giving  you their number and/or inviting you to be a friend on their facebook page...THEY ARE INTERSTED. I won't say no if they say do you want to meet for coffee or drinks or something? 

But still, I somehow think that it is in the hands of the guy to be the one that asks the girl out. I'm not sure what that stems from so...I guess I will have a few more text friends and add to my facebook friends numbers?

Do you know of others that have this same weird dichotomy? How to we (girls) help to push the guys to actually ASK? 

Crested Butte Family

Every family has a history, a place that they are from and a place where they have roots. My family (at least my dad's side) is from Crested Butte, Colorado. My dad vehemently lays claim to the ski area of Crested Butte being owned by his family. (Yes, there really is evidence that his stories are not just stories - they are truths! (His family was Malensek)

Every summer my immediate family (my dad, mom, kids, sister, brother in law, and nephews) make a trip to Crested Butte. I love this time with my family. We stayed at a condo/house which we have stayed in for several years now. (Why my parents don't just try to figure out how to purchase property up there I'm not sure). We were there for four nights. Each night the members of the family were set in teams. Each team was to make a meal for everyone. They were also in charge of cleaning up as well.

The other times were spent walking around town, Jeeping up steep areas (Hello Schofield pass and Pearl Pass) and I made my daughter take a small hike with me. Peyton was up for a longer hike to the top of Mt. Crested Butte - but the weather didn't cooperate. My dad only went with me and my kids once - after that he claimed it was his hip - or that he preferred going fishing. (My son happily obliged to spending time with Grampy to avoid hiking).

This year was the first day of my mom's retirement. I wonder what will happen with this tradition when my parents are no longer able to make the trip (I don't think the lack of WANT will ever be there). I wonder how this will change as they get older. I wonder if we will still go. I wonder if we will do less jeeping?

How have your family traditions/trips/events changed with the advent of changes from  your parents - retirement, loss, health?

Good Morning Colorado Workout

Red Rocks is perhaps one of the greatest assets we have in Denver, Colorado. The large outdoor ampitheater has been home to some of the coolest concerts and is also a great place to work out! I have gone to work out there a couple times with my friend Angie. There are individuals that have their headphones on as they jog down the stairs - or people doing yoga among the steps in the Colorado sunshine. But this last Saturday was perhaps one of the coolest things that I have been a party to.

Fitness On The Rocks is the brainchild of Alex Chapman, who I used to know when we worked at 24 Hour Fitness together. He brings together all different kinds of workouts from full body, to body combat, to zumba and more. Then tells all his friends, all of Denver and they tell their friends.

The final result? Over 8,600 people waking up to a Colorado sunrise doing a mass work-out together. Yes indeed. Colorado is a healthy state. I am glad I was a part of this.

As for next year, I would love to help him make it a bigger deal. Let's really get Colorado out there moving. There were workouts for everyone from the fitness enthusiast to the person who is just beginning their fitness journey (and for some of them just getting up the stairs to the theater was a big workout). Will you join me? I will save you a place right next to me next year!

Whole Foods Mozarella Class

I have been taking my kids to random free things for years now. At least since in got divorced and had to significantly reduce any kind of "budget" that I had for entertainment.

The most recent installment of the free kind was the mozarella class at Whole Foods. Whole Foods has free classes every Thursday. This was one of the first ones we attended. (Next week is Paella - sounds like fun). We made a true field trip of it - as it was not at the neighborhood Whole Foods but another one in town.

We arrived approximately 20 minute before class began - which enabled us to have front row seats. (That really wasn't by design it was just the odd traffic flow to that particular store). We took turns walking the store and trying the free samples.

The class began with simple instructions on how to make the cheese (it really is very easy as you just literally pour boiling water over the curds; ply & stretch gently, roll into a ball; cool in a water bath). The she proceeded to show us three different recipes using cheese. She talked about how fresh mozarella is seasonal - I had no idea! We received generous samples (at least 4 each) and then she opened it up to questions.

Plus, by hanging around and talking to the instructor, my son received the remainder of the cheese samples that she made.

The instructor was amazingly approachable. She was down to earth and friendly. It really seemed like she wanted to SHARE about cheese making - and not just show off how awesome she is. (Although I would fully admit she was awesome). We didn't plan on buying anything (did I mention I was on a budget). But we bought the take home version of the cheesemaking kit for just $5! So the fun will continue. We will attempt to make our own cheese.

Free entertainment that intrigued my 13 year old son who is really into cooking and my 12 year old daughter who is generally not into anything I take her to. While not all the classes seem like an interesting topic we will likely go again.

Word Wednesday: Fortuitous

I start all kinds of projects or have these great ideas that never seem to get off the ground. But one thing I know for sure, is that I love words. In all their forms. I will be reading and stumble on a word. I think in words and fonts (yes, all of my doodles look like I'm taking notes). I write lists.

But this morning, I work up with a word on my thoughts. That word? Fortuitous. I looked it up. Here is it's meaning:

a : fortunate, lucky <from a cost standpoint, the company's timing is fortuitous — Business Week>

b : coming or happening by a lucky chance <belted down the stairs, and there was a fortuitous train — Doris Lessing> 

 

So, I am going to start the day with a belief that I will indeed have a fortuitous day! Cheers to you! I hope you have a fortuitous day too!

 

Do you think in words? What is your favorite word recently?

What do you Fear?

I have been doing a lot of personal development studying in the past few weeks. (In almost a month I have devoured like 6 books!) Many of these books really remind me that many of the things I fear are fears simply in my head.

I was so proud of a friend of  mine who recently took this lifelong fear of snakes - and made a commitment to face her fears. She asked the help of a friend - who knows someone who owns a reptile shop. To allow her to pet a snake. I thought, "Wow, she's amazing to take this fear and really face it head on." I have been out hiking with her when she's seen a snake and jumped 500 feet in the air (Superman you're leaping a tall building in a single bound has nuthin' on her when she sees a snake!). I know this was a real fear for her so much so that she may have wanted to hike on certain trails during certain times of the year - but wouldn't because there were snake sightings.

While I was not there when she faced her fear, she did post photos on facebook when she accomplished the feat. I thought she would just touch the snake and be done with it. I thought the snake would stay safely inside it's cage (or whatever you call those tanks). But no, not only did she just pet the dang thing but she let it crawl on her arm!!!

What do you fear? Are your fears just in your head? What have you made so big - that it stops you from hiking the mountain you want to climb?