Is there a formula?

I had an opportunity to go to breakfast with one of my best friends. I always love spending time with her and I sometimes like what she has to say. :) Just kidding! She usually gives me great advice and also sees me in a way that I don't often let others see me as. I have kind of a way of being that is public and one that is more of a private persona.

I was lamenting (again) about how things have not turned out the way that I wish they would. I had this picture in my head of what I wanted this life to look like. I guess in some ways I really wanted to model it after what the rest of the world thinks of the perfect middle-class life. I wish I was married, with 2.5 kids, dog, suv, job and a house. But I pretty much didn't even get half of that right at this mid-life check. Yes, I called it a check not a crisis because I don't really believe that life should at any point be a crisis. 

I have been up and down with jobs and while I wish that I could be in some normal job and stay there for years and years. I kind of wish that I would know when I could take vacation and know that I'll be paid for it. But I really believe that God has led me into another direction. No matter  how hard I really try to mentally shun it - because it was not on the "list."

I WAS married. That was wrong too. I married someone because I thought that is what I was supposed to do. It was the right timing. He was the first person who asked me. It was OK. I will tell you that because it was never right from the beginning...it never got better!  

We did end up having kids (that is one of the things that I got right - at least having them was right). I have a wonderful son and daughter. They are on the verge of being teens. I'm afraid of that. I have in no way gotten any of the parenting part right. I try to stick to my guns, I make them mad (I'm told this is a teen thing). But if I get a little lax, I'm wrong to my conservative family. I'm pretty sure I won't win the cool parent award. But I'm not really certain that I was trying for it.

I have the SUV. It's broken. I'm house-bound again tonight while the dealer tries to figure out why it starts when it decides it wants to. Maybe cars take after their owners in the way dogs do? That's ok because if dog was supposed to be on my list, maybe my car can double in it's place. I have a crazy cat instead. I don't want to be the crazy cat lady - so I let the cat be the crazy one.

So, really? Does life have to have a formula? Do we have to live like someone else taught us? Or perhaps what is better is that we live the life we are meant to. Go toward the leanings no matter who will think you are crazy. Go with what is not normal and see how much better it can be than the mediocre formulaic life that someone else had invisioned for you. I choose to live life each day for what it gives me. Prepare for the future but from a position of seeing each day as a gift.