I used to write a blog that I kept private. Just one to deal with my feelings as I was going through divorce. My divorce was final three years ago - in 2009. When I think about all that has happened and what has changed in the past three years, I had the opportunity to look back at some of those posts.
Most of them were fraught with questions. I have been told before that I do ask a lot of questions. I'm ok with that. Perhaps that training at the j-school in Boulder, CO actually had some affect.
I can't say that all of the questions have gone away. Most of them are still there. Most of them are deep dark decisions that mean me crawling from behind whatever it is that I am hiding behind. I am sort of hiding from everything. I am still just who I am or was back then. And maybe even I am who I was when I was a child. But not certain that I have any better understanding.
I am lucky. I live a life that is kind of out of the box. I get to experience things that many people do not (or don't even want to). I drag my kids into my adventure filled world. Sometimes they like it and sometimes they don't.
But what I am most afraid of is repeating my path. I'm afraid of doing the same things over and over again and not getting any change. I need to find the things that will give me a positive change. I need to continue to grow. I need to take the parts of me that I like and make them BETTER. So that I can teach myself and my kids that we should never be repeating the same path.
No comments:
Post a Comment